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Anger
Managing Anger
“Well
take the First World War
” said
his father. “That got started when Germany invaded Belgium.”
Immediately his wife
interrupted him: “Tell the boy the truth. It began because somebody was
murdered.” The husband drew himself up with an air of superiority and snapped
back
“Are you answering the question
or am I?” Turning her back upon him in
huff
the wife walked out of the room and slammed the door as hard as she
could.
When the dishes stopped
rattling in the cupboard
and uneasy silence followed
broken at length by the
son when he said
“Daddy
you don’t have to tell me any more; I know now!” ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations
for Biblical Preaching》
Grudges
Madrid
Spain (AP)
Two hundred
and seventy-seven years seems like a long time to carry a grudge! ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical Preaching》
Grudges
It is said
that a rattlesnake
if cornered
will sometimes become so upset that it will
bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against
others is—a
biting of oneself. We think that we are harming others in holding these grudges
and hates
but the deeper harm is to ourselves. ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical Preaching》
Resentment
Leonard Holt
was a paragon of respectability. He was a middle-aged
hard-working lab
technician who had worked at the same Pennsylvania paper mill for nineteen
years. Having been a Boy Scout leader
an affectionate father
a member of the
local fire brigade
and a regular church attender
he was admired as a model in
his community. Until that image exploded in a well-planned for of bloodshed one
brisk October morning.
A proficient
marksman
Leonard Holt stuffed two pistols in his coat pockets and drove to the
mill. He stalked slowly into his shop and began shooting with calculated
frenzy. He filled several co-workers with two or three bullets apiece
firing
more than thirty shots
killing some men he had known for more than fifteen
years. When the posse found him standing defiantly in his doorway
he snarled
“Come and get me
you—I’m not taking any more of your--!” Bewilderment swept the community.
Puzzled
policemen and friends finally found a train of logic behind his brief reign of
terror. Down deep within the heart of Leonard Holt rumbled the giant of
resentment. His monk-like exterior concealed the seething hated within. The
investigation yielded the following facts. Several victims had been promoted
over him while he remained in the same position. More than one in Holt’s carpool had quit riding with him due
to his reckless driving. The man was brimming with resentment-rage that could
be held no longer. Beneath his picture in Time
the caption told the story:
Responsible
Respectable
and Resentful.”
──
Michael P. Green《Illustrations
for Biblical Preaching》
Bruce Goodrich was being
initiated into the cadet corps at Texas A & M University. One night
Bruce
was forced to run until he dropped -- but he never got up. Bruce Goodrich died
before he even entered college.
A short time after the
tragedy
Bruce's father wrote this letter to the administration
faculty
student body
and the corps of cadets: "I would like to take this
opportunity to express the appreciation of my family for the great outpouring
of concern and sympathy from Texas A & M University and the college
community over the loss of our son Bruce. We were deeply touched by the tribute
paid to him in the battalion. We were particularly pleased to note that his
Christian witness did not go unnoticed during his brief time on campus."
Mr. Goodrich went on:
"I hope it will be some comfort to know that we harbor no ill will in the
matter. We know our God makes no mistakes. Bruce had an appointment with his
Lord and is now secure in his celestial home. When the question is asked
'Why
did this happen?' perhaps one answer will be
'So that many will consider where
they will spend eternity.'" ── Our Daily Bread
March 22
1994.
An author for Reader's
Digest writes how he studied the Amish people in preparation for an article
on them. In his observation at the school yard
he noted that the children
never screamed or yelled. This amazed him. He spoke to the schoolmaster. He
remarked how he had not once heard an Amish child yell
and asked why the
schoolmaster thought that was so. The schoolmaster replied
"Well
have
you ever heard an Amish adult yell?"── Reader's Digest.
Doctors from Coral Gables
Fla.
compared the efficiency of the heart's pumping action in 18 men with
coronary artery disease to nine healthy controls. Each of the study
participants underwent one physical stress test (riding an exercise bicycle)
and three mental stress tests (doing math problems in their heads
recalling a
recent incident that had made them very angry
and giving a short speech to
defend themselves against a hypothetical charge of shoplifting). Using
sophisticated X-ray techniques
the doctors took pictures of the subjects'
hearts in action during these tests.
For all the subjects
anger reduced the amount of blood that the heart pumped to body tissues more
than the other tests
but this was especially true for those who had heart
disease.
Why anger is so much more
potent than fear or mental stress is anybody's guess. But until we see more
research on this subject
it couldn't hurt to count to 10 before you blow your
stack. ── Spokesman-Review
July 29
1993
p. D3.
Many years ago during a
Knicks-Bullets playoff game
one of the Bullets came up from behind the great
Walt Frazier and punched him in the face. Strangely
the referee called a foul
on Frazier. Frazier didn't complain. His expression never changed. He simply
called for the ball and put in seven straight shots to win the game
an amazing
display of productive anger. If you want to get huffy about it
it was a great
moral lesson as well.── U.S. News & World Report
June 14
1993
p.
37.
Many years ago a senior
executive of the then Standard Oil Company made a wrong decision that cost the
company more than $2 million. John D. Rockefeller was then running the firm. On
the day the news leaked out most of the executives of the company were finding
various ingenious ways of avoiding Mr. Rockefeller
lest his wrath descend on
their heads.
There was one exception
however; he was Edward T. Bedford
a partner in the company. Bedford was
scheduled to see Rockefeller that day and he kept the appointment
even though
he was prepared to listen to a long harangue against the man who made the error
in judgment.
When he entered the office
the powerful head of the gigantic Standard Oil empire was bent over his desk busily
writing with a pencil on a pad of paper. Bedford stood silently
not wishing to
interrupt. After a few minutes Rockefeller looked up.
"Oh
it's you
Bedford
" he said calmly. "I suppose you've heard about our
loss?"
Bedford said that he had.
"I've been thinking
it over
" Rockefeller said
"and before I ask the man in to discuss
the matter
I've been making some notes."
Bedford later told the
story this way:
"Across the top of
the page was written
'Points in favor of Mr. _______.' There followed a long
list of the man's virtues
including a brief description of how he had helped
the company make the right decision on three separate occasions that had earned
many times the cost of his recent error.
"I never forgot that
lesson. In later years
whenever I was tempted to rip into anyone
I forced
myself first to sit down and thoughtfully compile as long a list of good points
as I possibly could. Invariably
by the time I finished my inventory
I would
see the matter in its true perspective and keep my temper under control. There
is no telling how many times this habit has prevented me from committing one of
the costliest mistakes any executive can make -- losing his temper.
"I commend it to
anyone who must deal with people." ── Bits & Pieces
September 15
1994
pp. 11-13.
In the spring of 1894
the
Baltimore Orioles came to Boston to play a routine baseball game. But what
happened that day was anything but routine. The Orioles' John McGraw got into a
fight with the Boston third baseman. Within minutes all the players from both
teams had joined in the brawl. The warfare quickly spread to the grandstands.
Among the fans the conflict went from bad to worse. Someone set fire to the
stands and the entire ballpark burned to the ground. Not only that
but the
fire spread to 107 other Boston buildings as well. ── Daily Bread
August 13
1992.
The 18th-century British
physician John Hunter
who was a pioneer in the field of surgery and served as
surgeon to King George III
suffered from angina. Discovering that his attacks
were often brought on by anger
Hunter lamented
"My life is at the mercy
of any scoundrel who chooses to put me in a passion." These words proved
prophetic
for at a meeting of the board of St. George's Hospital in London
Hunter got into a heated argument with other board members
walked out
and
dropped dead in the next room. ── Today in the Word
June 8
1992.
A father of three won a
shouting contest with a roar louder than a passing train. "If you want a
war
you go!" Yoshihiko Kato shouted. The sound meter registered 115.8
decibels
louder than the racket of a train passing overhead on an elevated
railroad. For that winning shout
Kato won the $750 grand prize of the 10th
annual Halls Year-End Loud Voice Contest. Kato admitted that he probably built
up his loud voice shouting at his children. ── Resource
Jan/Feb
1991.
Abraham Lincoln's
secretary of war
Edwin Stanton
was angered by an army officer who accused him
of favoritism. Stanton complained to Lincoln
who suggested that Stanton write
the officer a sharp letter. Stanton did
and showed the strongly worded missive
to the president. "What are you going to do with it?" Lincoln
inquired. Surprised
Stanton replied
"Send it." Lincoln shook his
head. "You don't want to send that letter
" he said. "Put it in
the stove. That's what I do when I have written a letter while I am angry. It's
a good letter and you had a good time writing it and feel better. Now burn it
and write another." ── Today in the Word
February
1991
p.
9.
The great Italian
conductor Arturo Toscanini was legendary for his fits of rage. The librarian of
one of Toscanini's orchestras was particularly vexed by the maestro's habit of
throwing valuable musical scores at the musicians when angry. Watching closely
the librarian observed that Toscanini's first act when enraged was to take his
baton in both hands and try to break it. If the baton snapped
Toscanini
usually calmed down and rehearsal continued. If the baton did not break
he
began hurling scores. The librarian's solution? He made sure the conductor had
a generous supply of flimsy batons on hand for rehearsal! ── Today in
the Word
February
1991
p. 22.
National park ranger in
British Columbia who has two sets of huge antlers
as wide as a man's reach
locked together. Evidently 2 bull moose began fighting
their antlers locked
and they could not get free. They died due to anger. ── National
Geographic
November
1985.
A lady once came to Billy
Sunday and tried to rationalize her angry outbursts. "There's nothing
wrong with losing my temper
" she said. "I blow up
and then it's all
over."
"So does a
shotgun
" Sunday replied
"and look at the damage it leaves
behind!" ── Billy Sunday.
Jim Taylor in Currents
tells the following story about his friend
Ralph Milton: One morning Ralph
woke up at five o'clock to a noise that sounded like someone repairing boilers
on his roof. Still in his pajamas
he went into the back yard to investigate.
He found a woodpecker on the TV antenna
"pounding its little brains out
on the metal pole." Angry at the little creature who ruined his sleep
Ralph picked up a rock and threw it. The rock sailed over the house
and he
heard a distant crash as it hit the car. In utter disgust
Ralph took a vicious
kick at a clod of dirt
only to remember -- too late -- that he was still in
his bare feet. Uncontrolled anger
as Ralph leaned
can sometimes be its own
reward.── Jim Taylor
Currents.
When Abraham Lincoln had
to write a letter to someone who had irritated him
he would often write two
letters. The first letter was deliberately insulting. Then
having gotten those
feelings out of his system
he would tear it up and write a second letter
this
one tactful and discreet. ── John Luther in Bits & Pieces
October 1990.
Charles De Gaulle once said: "When
I am right
I get angry. Churchill gets angry when he is wrong. So we were very
often angry at each other." ── Charles De Gaulle.
As a passenger boarded the Los
Angeles-to-New York plane
he told the flight attendant to wake him and make
sure he got off in Dallas. The passenger awoke just as the plane was landing in
New York. Furious
he called the flight attendant and demanded an explanation.
The fellow mumbled an apology and
in a rage
the passenger stomped off the
plane. "Boy
was he ever mad!" another crew member observed to her
errant colleague. "If you think he was mad
" replied the flight
attendant
"you should have seen the guy I put off the plane in
Dallas!" ── H.B. McClung.
A "Do it yourself" catalog
firm received the following letter from one of its customers: "I built a
birdhouse according to your stupid plans
and not only is it much too big
it
keeps blowing out of the tree. Signed
Unhappy.
The firm replied: "Dear Unhappy
We're sorry about the mix-up. We accidentally sent you a sailboat blueprint.
But if you think you are unhappy
you should read the letter from the guy who
came in last in the yacht club regatta." ── Source Unknown.
Whatever is begun in anger
ends in shame. ── B. Franklin.
Anger is never without a
reason
but seldom with a good one. ── B. Franklin.
It is he who is in the
wrong who first gets angry.── William Penn.
Of the 7 deadly sins
anger
is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds
to smack your lips over
grievances long past
to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter
confrontations still to come
to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the
pain you are given and the pain you are giving back--in many ways it is a feast
fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is
yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you. ── Frederick Buechner
Wishful
Thinking Transformed by Thorns
p. 117.
A person who is angry on
the right grounds
against the right persons
in the right manner
at the right
moment
and for the right length of time deserves great praise. ── Bits & Pieces
May 27
1993
p. 1.
The fastest horse cannot
catch a word spoken in anger. ── Chinese
Proverb in Bits & Pieces
July 25
1992
p. 5.
90% of the friction of
daily life is caused by the wrong tone of voice. ── Leadership
Vol.
1
Number 4
p. 23.
Angry cynical people die
young. Men who score high for hostility on standard tests are four times more
likely to die prematurely than men whose scores are low. ── Bottom Line
quoted in Homemade
February
1989.
Getting angry can
sometimes be like leaping into a wonderfully responsive sports car
gunning the
motor
taking off at high speed and then discovering the brakes are out of
order. ── Maggie Scarg in New York
Times Magazine.
Anger is a divinely
implanted emotion. Closely allied to our instinct for right
it is designed to
be used for constructive spiritual purposes. The person who cannot feel anger
at evil is a person who lacks enthusiasm for good. If you cannot hate wrong
it's very questionable whether you really love righteousness. ── Dr. David Seamands.
A "do it
yourself" catalog firm received the following letter from one of its
customers: "I built a birdhouse according to your stupid plans
and not
only is it much too big
it keeps blowing out of the tree. Signed
Unhappy. The
firm replied: "Dear Unhappy
We're sorry about the mix-up. We accidentally
sent you a sailboat blueprint. But if you think you are unhappy
you should
read the letter from the guy who came in last in the yacht club regatta."
Source Unknown.
It is clear that when we
think of the word "wrath" as applicable to God
it must be divested
of everything that is like human passion
and especially the passion of
revenge. It is one of the most obvious rules of interpretation that we are not
to apply to God passions and feelings which
among us
have their origin in
evil. [God's wrath] is the opposition of the divine character against sin; and
the determination of the divine mind to express that opposition in a proper
way
by excluding the offender from the favors which He bestows on the
righteous. We admire the character of a father who is opposed to disorder
vice
and disobedience in his family
and who expresses his opposition in a
proper way. We admire the character of a ruler who is opposed to all crime in
the community
and who expresses those feelings in the law. Why shall we not be
equally pleased with God
who is opposed to all crime in all parts of the
universe
and who determines to express His opposition in the proper way for
the sake of preserving order and promoting peace?
Albert Barnes.
"CEASE FROM ANGER
AND FORSAKE WRATH" INTRODUCTION
1. An article in Newsweek ("Better Temper That Temper!"
1/3/83 ) raised the question... a. Is it best to let off steam? (reduces blood pressure
but produces hostility in others) b. Is it best to suppress one's anger? (raises blood pressure
but prevents hostility) 2. This prompted me to study the subject of anger from a Biblical perspective... a. Which for the Christian provides the final word b. For all things
including human behavior [What follows is the results of my study. I began by taking...] I. AN OVERALL LOOK AT ANGER
A. IN THE OLD TESTAMENT... 1. The OT books
especially Proverbs and Ecclesiastes have a lot to say about anger 2. Two passages provide this warning: a. Pro 14:17 - "He who is quick-tempered acts foolishly..." b. Ecc 7:9 - "Do not hasten in your spirit to be anger
for anger rests in the bosom of fools" 3. The following pretty well sums it up: "Cease from anger
and forsake wrath; Do not fret -- it only causes harm." - Psa 37:8 B. IN THE NEW TESTAMENT... 1. It appears anger is not compatible with the Christian disposition a. Anger and wrath are to be replaced by kindness and forgiveness - Ep 4:31-32 b. We are told we "must also put off all these: anger
wrath
malice..." - Co 3:8 c. James tells us to be "...slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." - Ja 1:19-20 2. Yet we also note there appears to be a place for a certain kind of anger a. Jesus expressed anger on several occasions 1) Toward the money changers in the temple - Jn 2:13-17 2) Toward the hypocritical Pharisees - Mt 23:13ff b. God is a God of anger as well as a God of love - cf. Ro 1:18; 2:5; Ep 5:6
c. Many point out Paul's comments in Ep 4:26 (see more below) [How do we reconcile those passages which demand anger be put off withthose which speak of anger on the part of God
Christ
and theChristian? Let's take...] II. A CLOSER LOOK AT ANGER
A. CONCERNING THE ANGER OF GOD... 1. God's anger is always a just reaction to evil - cf. Ro 1:18; 2:5-9
2. His wrath is never misguided; He is therefore capable of properly manifesting anger 3. Man
with his imperfections
is not so capable a. His anger is often misguided and misdirected b. Because of ignorance
false presumptions
misunderstanding
etc. B. CONCERNING THE ANGER OF CHRIST... 1. In the examples of His anger... a. There is nothing of self-interest b. Only holy anger against unrighteousness which is abhorrent to God 2. He could be angry
but only for God's honor a. When personally abused
He said nothing - cf. 1 Pe 2:21-23 b. But when it was against God
He displayed righteous anger (as in the temple) 3. Man
with his imperfections
does not always properly use anger a. E.g.
we remain silent when sin is exalted and God is dishonored b. Then get angry when someone offends us personally! C. CONCERNING "BE ANGRY
AND DO NOT SIN..." 1. Don't ignore the context of Ep 4:26-27 (cf. Ep 4:31) 2. Paul is telling us that if anger comes to the heart... a. It must be controlled ("do not sin...nor give place to the devil") b. It must be dispelled before nightfall ("do not let the sun go down on your wrath") 3. Compare this with the meaning of the Greek words often translated "anger" and "wrath" a. Thumos (most often translated "wrath") 1) "the sudden outburst of passionate anger" - ZPEB 2) "the blaze of temper which flares into violent words and deeds
and just as quickly dies" - Barclay b. Orge (often translated "wrath"
but also "anger") 1) "indignation which has arisen gradually and become more settled" - Thayer 2) "suggests a more settled or abiding condition of mine" - Vine 4. The effects of Paul's remarks in Ep 4:26-27 are in harmony with Ep 4:31 a. "do not sin" - i.e.
don't let anger become wrath (outburst of anger)
which is sin b. "do not let the sun go down on your wrath" - i.e.
don't let anger remain and become settled
for that is also a sin 5. The point is simply this: a. It is wrong to "blow off steam" 1) Which is the idea involved in the word thumos 2) Sometimes translated "outbursts of anger" b. It is wrong to "have a lasting
suppressed anger" 1) Which is the idea involved in the word orge 2) Sometimes translated "anger" [But if it is wrong to be angry or to display wrath
is it humanlypossible to remove these emotional reactions to trying and difficultsituations? Yes! But only as we undergo a "transformation"...] III. PUTTING AWAY ANGER AND WRATH
A. TRANSFORMATION IN THE LIFE OF THE CHRISTIAN... 1. When a person becomes a Christian
a change is now possible - 2 Co 5:17 a. This change involves many things
one of which is our relation to sin 1) Before
we were "slaves of sin" - Ro 6:17 2) Now
we can be "free from sin" - Ro 6:18 b. This does not mean that we cannot or do not sin 1) Only that we do not "have to sin" - cf. Ro 7:14-24 2) We are now free to present ourselves to God
to serve as instruments of righteousness - cf. Ro 6:11-14
19 2. When a Christian willingly presents himself to God
transformation is possible! a. Made possible by "renewing your mind" - Ro 12:1-2 b. This renewing of your mind occurs as we: 1) Set our minds on things above
especially on God and Christ - Co 3:1-2 2) Behold (contemplate) the glory of the Lord - cf. 2 Co 3:18
c. With a mind being renewed in this way
it becomes possible... 1) To put off things like anger
wrath - Co 3:8-11 2) To put on things like kindness
love
the peace of God - Co 3:12-15 a) Things which in themselves prevent anger and wrath from becoming a part of our lives b) Especially the "peace of God"
which if allowed to rule in our hearts will give us the inner calm and harmony we need in trying times! c) Crucial to putting on such things as "peace" is the Word of God and prayer! - cf. Jn 14:27; 16:33; Ph 4:6-7
3. Transformation leads to reacting differently... a. Even as Christians
before we are transformed we will react according to the works of the flesh (with anger and wrath) - Ga 5:19-21 b. But the more we are transformed into the image of Christ
the more we will react according to the fruit of the Spirit (kindness
gentleness
self-control) - Ga 5:22-23 [During the process of transformation through the Word of God and prayer
it does not hurt to benefit from suggestions which complement what the Bible teaches. Along this line
perhaps it will be helpful to include some thoughts regarding...] B. ANGER MANAGEMENT... 1. Seneca
a Roman philosopher-educator (4-65 A .D.)
offered the following self-control techniques in his book "Of Anger"... a. Avoid frustrating situations by noting where you got angry in the past (cf. Mt 26:41; Pro 4:14-15) b. Reduce your anger by taking time
focusing on other emotions (pleasure
shame
or fear)
avoiding weapons of aggression
and attending to other matters (cf. Ph 4:8) c. Respond calmly to an aggressor with empathy or mild
unprovocative comments or with no response at all (cf. Pro 15:1)
d. If angry
concentrate on the undesirable consequences of becoming aggressive (cf. Psa 37:8) 1) Tell yourself: "Why give them the satisfaction of knowing you are upset?" 2) Or "It isn't worth being mad over." e. Reconsider the circumstances and try to understand the motives or viewpoint of the other person (cf. Ph 2:3-4) f. Train yourself to be empathic with others (cf. 2 Ti 2:24-26) 1) Be tolerant of human weakness 2) Be forgiving (ask yourself if you haven't done something as bad) 3) Follow the "great lesson of mankind: to do as we would be done by" (cf. Mt 7:12) 2. From MyMindField.com come these suggestions for controlling anger through behavior modification a. Reduce your frustrations 1) Find the source of your frustration
whether they be people or subjects or situations 2) Attempt to reduce or eliminate your exposure to these negative stimuli b. Reduce violent stimuli in your life 1) Choosing to avoid violent movies
violent and aggressive friends is part of this approach 2) Be very selective with your friends so that they do not goad you into anger and rage 3) Eliminate drugs and alcohol as stimulants of anger. c. Reveal yourself and understand others 1) Announce you may be having a bad day to others 2) Attempt to indicate to others they are having a bad day and offer to listen or let them vent d. Stop hostile fantasies 1) Cease dwelling on issues or people which aggravate 2) Think smooth. Think cool. e. Do not escalate the violence - Aggressive action on your part may cause an equally aggressive response which starts a vicious cycle f. Suppress or convert your violent reaction 1) Count to ten
take a deep breath
or go work out are variations on this theme 2) Think of the source of the aggravation and whether a violent reaction will accomplish any purpose other than remorse
which is not a goal g. Cease using temper to get your way - While successful in the short term
using anger to win points is a losing strategy in the long run h. Use stress inoculation - This approach involves awareness of our own irrational fantasies
learning better understanding of why others are weak when they show rage
and rehearsing how to be calm in the face of angering stimulation i. Disconnect anger from frustrating people or issues ordesensitization
j. Consider meditation and mild exercise to relax 3. Some other useful sources for "Anger Management" on the Internet: a. Psychology In Daily Life - Controlling Anger--Before It Controls You - http://helping.apa.org/daily/anger.html b. Mental Health Net - Anger And Aggression http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap7/ CONCLUSION
1. Instead of trying to determine whether we should react to difficult situations... a. By letting off steam b. By suppressing one's anger ...the goal of the Christian should be that of changing the inner person - the more we are transformed
the more likely we will react with love
peace
long-suffering
kindness
goodness
gentleness
and self-control 2. Following the example of Christ
there may be a place for anger
but only in things pertaining to the honor and will of God; in all other things
we do well to remember: a. The example of Jesus - 1 Pe 2:23 b. The words of David - Psa 37:8 Let us "cease from anger
and forsake wrath" by presenting ourselves toGod
allowing our minds to be renewed as we behold His glory revealed inthe Bible. Do you wish to be a "new creation"? You must be "in Christ" (2 Co5:17) and that begins by being baptized "into Christ" (Ga 3:27)...
－－《Executable
Outlines》