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Family Life in General
Christian Family
A popular book of a few
years ago
Jonathan Livingston Seagull
extolled the ‘virtues of independence
and individuality at any price. The seagull is a popular subject for
photography
and many people who vacation at the shore end up with some kind of
souvenir bearing the picture of a seagull. It is easy to see why people like
this figure. A seagull exults in freedom. When flying alone
he thrusts his
wings back with powerful strokes
climbs higher and higher
and then swoops
down in majestic loops and circles.
In a flock
though
the
seagull is a different bird. His majesty dissolves into in-fights and cruelty.
Concepts of sharing and manners do not seem to exist among gulls. They are so
fiercely competitive and jealous that if you tie a ribbon around the leg of a
gull
making him stand out from the rest
you sentence him to death. The others
in his flock will furiously attack him with claws and beaks
hammering through
feathers and flesh to draw blood. They’ll continue until he is a bloody heap.
If we must have a bird as a
model for our society
there is certainly a better choice. Consider the wild
goose. The V-formation they use in flying enables them to fly with more ease
and spped. The point position is the most difficult because of wind resistance
so the geese rotate this position every few minutes. The easiest flight is
experienced in the two rear sections of the formation
and the stronger geese
permit the young
weak
and older birds to occupy these positions. It is also
probable that the constant honking encourages the weaker geese.
The seagull reaches us to
break loose and fly alone
but the wild goose teaches us to fly in a “family”.
We can fly further with our Christian family than we could ever fly alone—and
as we fly
our efforts constantly help others in our family. ──
Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical Preaching》
Leadership in Family
American men received a
stinging insult from British psychologist Dr. Joshua Bierer
who described them
as a “bunch of weak-kneed
lily-livered sissies.” In a previous survey made in
1964
he had judged women to be at fault and declared American women to be
domineering. He explained his changed viewpoint:
Before
I thought that the
women wanted to rule the country. I changed that opinion. Women are compelled
to take over
not fighting to take over. I thought the men who attended with
their wives some seminars I spoke at would shoot me for my remarks—but instead
they all agreed with me. It’s still the fatherless society. The husbands are
not husbands. All the women are crying out for a strong man and he’s just not
there. ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Family
Trouble
Students
involved in a research project at the University of Illinois called 2000 homes
at random between midnight and
Spiritual
Decline of Family
To our forefathers
our faith was an
experience.
To our fathers
our faith was an
inheritance.
To us
our faith is a convenience.
To our children
our faith is a
nuisance.
If the principles of
Christian love had prevailed in the Bronx in 1952
perhaps a good home could
have been found for that young
mixed-up lad. In fact
providing a better
environment in which to grow up might have changed history. For
you see
the
boy was Lee Harvey Oswald.
Family
Trouble
Students involved in a research
project at the University of Illinois called 2000 homes at random between
midnight and
Spiritual
Decline of Family
To
our forefathers
our faith was an experience.
To
our fathers
our faith was an inheritance.
To
us
our faith is a convenience.
To
our children
our faith is a nuisance.
── Michael P.
Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Clovis Chappell
a minister from a
century back
used to tell the story of two paddleboats. They left Memphis
about the same time
traveling down the Mississippi River to New Orleans. As
they traveled side by side
sailors from one vessel made a few remarks about
the snail's pace of the other. Words were exchanged. Challenges were made. And
the race began. Competition became vicious as the two boats roared through the
Deep South.
One boat began falling behind. Not
enough fuel. There had been plenty of coal for the trip
but not enough for a
race. As the boat dropped back
an enterprising young sailor took some of the
ship's cargo and tossed it into the ovens. When the sailors saw that the
supplies burned as well as the coal
they fueled their boat with the material
they had been assigned to transport. They ended up winning the race
but burned
their cargo.
God has entrusted cargo to us
too:
children
spouses
friends. Our job is to do our part in seeing that this cargo
reaches its destination. Yet when the program takes priority over people
people often suffer. How much cargo do we sacrifice in order to achieve the
number one slot? How many people never reach the destination because of the
aggressiveness of a competitive captain?
In the Eye of the Storm by Max Lucado Word
Publishing
1991
pp. 97-98.
Even that first famous Adams
generation (children of 2nd president John Adams
1735-1826) had more than its share
of black sheep. John and Abigail's eldest child
Abigail
married a wastrel and
at her death left her children to their care. Son Charles married the sister of
his spendthrift brother-in-law
dissipated family funds
died of alcoholism and
left his widow to the care of his parents. Son Thomas Boylston also became an
alcoholic
again bequeathing his children to the care of the family. Though
John Quincy (1767-1848) turned out well
he and his unhappy wife Louisa hardly
went unscathed. Thier first son was an alcoholic and committed suicide at the
age of 31. Their next son was expelled from college
failed in business and
died of an alcohol-related illness. Only their youngest son
Charles Francis
(1807-86)
reacted against the family pattern by his exemplary sobriety
his
prudence in business and fervent dedication to his wife and children. He spent
years writing the biography and editing the words of his grandfather John
Adams. But he concluded
"The history of my family is not a pleasant one
to remember. It is one of great triumphs in the world but of deep groans
within
one of extraordinary brilliancy and deep corroding mortification."
Charles Francis Adams
grandson of 2nd
President John Adams
son of 6th president John Quincy Adams
in U.S. News
and World Report
Dec 12
1988
It started with Rent-A-Wife
a small
Petaluma
California
company created by Karen Donovan to help clients decorate
their homes
balance checkbooks
run errands
etc. Donovan
who launched her
business through a small ad in the local newspaper
is already thinking big
after four months of operation. She wants to hire her father to initiate
Rent-A-Husband and her two teens to start Rent-A-Family. "We can do what
any family does
" the newfangled entrepreneur joked. "We can come over
and eat all the food
turn on all the lights
put handprints on the walls
take
showers and leave the towels on the floor. When clients are finished with
Rent-A-Family
they'll have to call Rent-A-Wife.
Campus Life
October
1980.
In 1978
Thomas Hansen of Boulder
Colorado
sued his parents for $350
000 on grounds of "malpractice of
parenting." Mom and Dad had botched his upbringing so badly
he charged in
his suit
that he would need years of costly psychiatric treatment.
Unknown.
The evidence is convincing that the
better our relationships are at home
the more effective we are in our careers.
If we're having difficulty with a loved one
that difficulty will be translated
into reduced performance on the job. In studying the millionaires in America
(U.S. News and World Report)
a picture of the "typical" millionaire
is an individual who has worked eight to ten hours a day for thirty years and
is still married to his or her high school or college sweetheart. A New York
executive search firm
in a study of 1365 corporate vice presidents
discovered
that 87% were still married to their one and only spouse and that 92% were
raised in two-parent families. The evidence is overwhelming that the family is
the strength and foundation of society. Strengthen your family ties and you'll
enhance your opportunity to succeed.
Zig Ziglar in Homemade
March
1989.
According to a study of more than 500
family counselors
the following are the top traits of successful families:
*Communicating and listening *Affirming and supporting family members
*Respecting one another *Developing a sense of trust *Sharing time and
responsibility *Knowing right from wrong *Having rituals and traditions
*Sharing a religious core *Respecting privacy.
Focus on the Family Bulletin
December
1988 .
From a national survey of strong
families conducted by the Human Development and Family Department at the
University of Nebraska- Lincoln
a profile of a strong family:
Appreciation. "Family members
gave one another compliments and sincere demonstrations of approval. They tried
to make the others feel appreciated and good about themselves."
Ability to Deal with Crises in a Positive Manner. "They were willing to
take a bad situation
see something positive in it and focus on that."
Time Together. "In all areas of their lives--meals
work
recreation--they
structured their schedules to spend time together."
High Degree of Commitment. "Families promoted each person's happiness and
welfare
invested time and energy in each other and made family their number
one priority."
Good Communication Patterns. "These families spent time talking with each
other. They also listened well
which shows respect."
High Degree of Religious Orientation. "Not all belonged to an organized
church
but they considered themselves highly religious." (1983)
Human Development and Family
Department at the University of Nebraska- Lincoln.
Families in 2000 will average 1.81
children
down from 1.84 today. Some 60 percent of kids born in the '80s will
live for a time with one parent; 1 kid in 4 will live with a stepparent by age
16. One third of all households will be childless. . . Supporting a teenager
still at home will cost $12
000 a year against $7
000 now. Kids who head to
college in 2000 will need upwards of $100
000 for each bachelor's degree.
U.S. News and World Report
Dec 25
1989.
Rudyard Kipling once wrote about
families
"all of us are we--and everyone else is they." A family
shares things like dreams
hopes
possessions
memories
smiles
frowns
and
gladness...A family is a clan held together with the glue of love and the
cement of mutual respect. A family is shelter from the storm
a friendly port
when the waves of life become too wild. No person is ever alone who is a member
of a family.
Fingertip Facts.
Parents rate their inability to spend
enough time with their children as the greatest threat to the family. In a
survey conducted for the Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Corp.
35 percent
pointed to time constraints as the most important reason for the decline in
family values. Another 22 percent mentioned a lack of parental discipline.
While 63 percent listed family as their greatest source of pleasure
only 44
percent described the quality of family life in America as good or excellent.
And only 34 percent expected it to be good or excellent by 1999. Despite their
expressed desire for more family time
two-thirds of those surveyed say they
would probably accept a job that required more time away from home if it offered
higher income or greater prestige.
Moody Monthly
December
1989
p. 72.
Sociologist and historian Carle
Zimmerman
in his 1947 book Family and Civilization
recorded his keen
observations as he compared the disintegration of various cultures with the
parallel decline of family life in those cultures. Eight specific patterns of
domestic behavior typified the downward spiral of each culture Zimmerman
studied.
*Marriage loses its sacredness...is
frequently broken by divorce.
*Traditional meaning of the marriage ceremony is lost.
*Feminist movements abound.
*Increased public disrespect for parents and authority in general.
*Acceleration of juvenile delinquency
promiscuity
and rebellion.
*Refusal of people with traditional marriages to accept family
responsibilities.
*Growing desire for and acceptance of adultery.
*Increasing interest in and spread of sexual perversions and sex-related
crimes.
Swindoll
The Quest For Character
Multnomah
p. 90.
Becoming good at the things that build
inner confidence and calm takes practice -- and a dash of creativity! The
following list might provide some cloudseeding for a brainstorm or two of your
own. Have some fun with your family...and get ready for a good rest.
1. Pay off your credit cards.
2. Take off ten pounds or accept where you are without any more complaints.
3. Eat dinner together as a family for seven days in a row.
4. Take your wife on a dialogue date (no movie
guys).
5. Read your kids a classic book (Twain's a good start).
6. Memorize the Twenty-third Psalm as a family.
7. Give each family member a hug for twenty-one days in a row (that's how long
the experts say it takes to develop a habit).
8. Pick a night of the week in which
the television will remain unplugged.
9. Go out for a non-fast food dinner as a family.
10. Pray for your spouse and children every day.
11. Plan a vacation together.
12. Take a vacation together.
13. Read a chapter from the Bible every day until it becomes a habit.
14. Sit together as a family in church.
15. Surprise your teenage. Wash his car and fill up his gas tank.
16. Take an afternoon off from work; surprise your child by excusing him from
school and taking him to a ball game.
17. Take a few hours one afternoon and go to the library as a family.
18. Take a walk as a family.
19. Write each member of your family a letter sharing why you value them.
20. Give your spouse a weekend getaway with a friend (same gender!) to a place
of their choice.
21. Go camping as a family.
22. Go to bed early (one hour before your normal bedtime) every day for a week.
23. Take each of your children out to breakfast (individually) at least once a
month for a year.
24. Turn down a promotion that would demand more time from your family than you
can afford to give.
25. Religiously wear your seat belts.
26. Get a complete physical.
27. Exercise a little every day for a month.
28. Make sure you have adequate life insurance on both you and your spouse.
29. Write out information about finances
wills
and important business
information that your spouse can use to keep things under control in the event
of your death.
30. Make sure your family car is safe (tires
brakes
etc.) and get it tuned
up.
31. Replace the batteries in your smoke alarm.
32. Put a security system in your house.
33. Attend the parent/teacher meetings of each child as a couple.
34. Help your kids with their homework.
35. Watch the kids on Saturday while your wife goes shopping (but if a friend
calls
don't say that you're "babysitting").
36. Explain to your spouse exactly what you do for a living.
37. Put together a picture puzzle. (One thousand pieces or more.)
38. Take time during the week to read a Bible story to your children and then
discuss it with them.
39. Encourage each child to submit to you his most perplexing question
and
promise him that you'll either answer it or discuss it with him.
40. Finish fixing something around the house.
41. Tell your kids how you and your spouse met.
42. Tell your kids about your first date.
43. Sit down and write your parents a letter thanking them for a specific thing
they did for you. (Don't forget to send it!)
44. Go on a shopping spree where you are absolutely committed to buying
nothing.
45. Keep a prayer journal for a month. Keep track of the specific ways that God
answers your needs.
46. Do some stargazing away from the city with your family. Help your children
identify constellations and conclude the evening with prayer to the majestic
God who created the heavens.
47. Treat your wife to a beauty make-over (facial
manicure
haircut
etc.). I
hear they really like this.
48. Give the kids an alternative to watching Saturday morning cartoons
(breakfast at McDonald's
garage sales
the park
chores
etc.).
49. Ask your children each day what they did at school (what they learned
who
they ate lunch with
etc.).
50. After you make your next major family decision
take your child back
through the process and teach him how you arrived at your decision.
51. Start saying to yourself "My car doesn't look so bad."
52. Call you wife or husband from work just to see how they're doing.
53. Compile a family tree and teach your children the history of their
ancestors.
54. Walk through an old graveyard with your children.
55. Say no to at least one thing a day -- even if it's only a second piece of
pie.
56. Write that letter to the network that broadcast the show you felt was
inappropriate for prime-time viewing.
57. Turn off the lights and listen to a "praise" tape as you focus
your thoughts on the Lord.
58. Write a note to your pastor praising him for something.
59. Take back all the books in your library that actually belong in someone
else's library.
60. Give irritating drivers the right to pull in front of you without signaling
and yelling at them.
61. Make every effort to not let the sun go down on your anger.
62. Accept legitimate criticism from your wife or a friend without reacting or
defending yourself.
63. If your car has a Christian bumper sticker on in -- drive like it.
64. Do a Bible study on the "wise man" and the "fool" in
Proverbs...and then apply what it takes to be wise to your life.
65. Make a list of people who have hurt your feelings over the past year...then
check your list to see if you've forgiven them.
66. Make a decision to honor your parents
even if they made a career out of
dishonoring you.
67. Take your children to the dentist and doctor for your wife.
68. Play charades with your family
but limit subjects to memories of the past.
69. Do the dishes for your wife.
70. Schedule yourself a free day to stay home with your family.
71. Get involved in a family project that serves or helps someone less
fortunate.
72. As a family
get involved in a recreational activity.
73. Send your wife flowers.
74. Spend an evening going through old pictures from family vacations.
75. Take a weekend once a year for you and your spouse to get away and renew
your friendship.
76. Praise your spouse and children -- in their presence -- to someone else.
77. Discuss a world or national problem
and ask your children for their
opinion on it.
78. Wait up for your teenagers when they are out on dates.
79. Have a "quiet Saturday" (no television
no radio
no stereo...no
kidding).
80. If your children are little
spend an hour playing with them -- but let
them determine the game.
81. Have your parents tell your children about life when they were young.
82. Give up soap operas.
83. De-clutter your house.
84. If you have a habit of watching late night television
but have to be to
work early every morning
change your habit.
85. Don't accept unnecessary breakfast appointments.
86. Write missionaries regularly.
87. Go through your closets and give everything that you haven't worn in a year
to a clothing relief organization.
88. Become a faithful and frequent visitor of your church's library.
89. Become a monthly supporter of a Third World child.
90. Keep mementos
school projects
awards
etc. of each child in separate
files. You'll appreciate these when they've left the nest.
91. Read the biography of a missionary.
92. Give regularly and faithfully to conscientious church endeavors.
93. Place with your will a letter to each family member telling why you were
glad you got to share life with him or her.
94. Go through your old records and tapes and discard any of them that might be
a bad testimony to your children.
95. Furnish a room (or a corner of a room) with comfortable chairs and declare
it the "disagreement corner." When conflicts arise
go to this corner
and don't leave until it's resolved.
96. Give each child the freedom to pick his favorite dinner menu at least once
a week.
97. Go over to a shut-in's house as a family and completely clean it and get
the lawn work done.
98. Call an old friend from your past
just to see how he or she is getting
along.
99. Get a good friend to hold you accountable for a specific important need
(Bible reading
prayer
spending time with your family
losing a few pounds
etc.).
100. Establish a budget.
101. Go to a Christian marriage enrichment seminar.
Tim Kimmel
Little House on the
Freeway
pp. 219-223.
At the annual family-reunion picnic
a
young bride led her husband over to an old woman busily crocheting in a rocker.
"Granny
" she said
touching the old woman's hand affectionately
"this is my new husband." The woman eyed him critically for a long
moment
then asked abruptly
"Do you desire children?" Startled by
her bluntness
the young man blushed and stammered
"Well-uh-yes
I do
very much." "Well
" she said
looking scornfully at the large
tribe gathered around the six picnic tables
"try to control it!"
Colleen Pifer.
To prove his love for her
he swam the
deepest river
crossed the widest desert and climbed the highest mountain. She
divorced him. He was never home.
Rose Sands
The Saturday Evening
Post.
Who can ever forget Winston
Churchill's immortal words: "We shall fight on the beaches
we shall fight
on the landing grounds
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets
we
shall fight in the hills." It sounds exactly like our family vacation.
Robert Orben.
An exhaustive study shows that no
woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
Earl Wilson.
A woman was at home doing some
cleaning when the telephone rang. In going to answer it
she tripped on a
scatter rug and
grabbing for something to hold onto
seized the telephone
table. It fell over with a crash
jarring receiver off the hook. As it fell
it
hit the family dog
who leaped up
howling and barking. The woman's
three-year-old son
startled by this noise
broke into loud screams. The woman
mumbled some colorful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and
lift it to her ear
just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end
say
"Nobody's said hello yet
but I'm positive I have the right
number."
James Dent
Charleston
W.Va.
Gazette.
The man who seldom finds himself in
hot water is the one with a wife
several daughters and one bathroom.
Unknown.
A convenience food today is chicken
already cooked. In grandmother's time it was a chicken she didn't have to kill
personally.
Bill Vaughan
NANA.
It used to be if you didn't feel well
you went to a doctor. These days you have to know why you don't feel well--in
order to know what kind of a doctor to go to.
Paul Harwitz in the Wall Street
Journal.
An 8-year-old wrote
"A
grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own
so she likes other
people's boys and girls. Grandmas don't have anything to do except be there. If
they take us for walks
they slow down past pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They never say 'Hurry up.' Usually they are fat but not too fat to tie shoes.
They wear glasses
and sometimes they can take their teeth out. They can answer
questions like why dogs hate cats and why God isn't married. They don't talk
like visitors do which is hard to understand. When they read to us
they don't
skip words or mind if it is the same story again. Everybody should try to have
a grandma
especially if you don't have television
because grandmas are the
only grownups who always have time.
Unknown.
Now there's evidence based on
interviews with children and grandparents that children need their grandparents
and vice-versa. The study shows that the bond between grandparents and
grandchildren is second in emotional power and influence only to the
relationship between parents and children. Grandparents affect the lives of
their grandchildren
for good or ill
simply because they exist. Unfortunately
a lot of grandparents ignore the fact
to the emotional deprivation of the young.
Of the children studied
only five percent reported close
regular contact with
at least one grandparent. The vast majority see their grandparents only
infrequently
not because they live too far away
but because the grandparents
have chose to remain emotionally distant. These children appear to be hurt
angry
and very perceptive about their grandparents. One of them said
"I'm just a charm on grandma's bracelet." Positive roles that
grandparents play are caretaker
storyteller
family historian
mentor
wizard
confidant
negotiator between child and parent
and model for the child's own
old age. When a child has a strong emotional tie to a grandparent
he enjoys a
kind of immunity--he doesn't have to perform for grandparents the way he must
for his parents
peers and teacher. The love of grandparents comes with no
behavioral strings attached. The emotional conflicts that often occur naturally
between children and parents do not exist between grandparents and
grandchildren.
Youthletter
September
1981.