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Listening
Listening
The story has been told of a new
commander who was sent to an army fort on the American frontier. He soon was
involved in a conference with an important Indian chief. Working through a
translator
he nervously asked the chief a number of questions and was
surprised to get no reply. After the meeting
he asked the translator why he
had gotten no response. The translator replied
“That’s what we call Indian
time. He has enough respect for your questions to go away and think about them before
answering them.”
Maybe we all need to practice more
Indian time. ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Listening
His thoughts were slow
His
words were few and never formed to glisten.
But
he was a joy to all his friends
You
should have heard him listen!
── Michael P. Green《Illustrations
for Biblical Preaching》
Listening
Listening is not just passive hearing.
It is an active participating experience in which you pay genuine attention to
what the other person is saying. Here are some principles that should help you
become a better listener:
1.Don’t
grab the conversation: “Yes
now take me
for instance…”
2.Don’t
let your gaze wander from the other person’s face except momentarily.
3.Validate
the feelings of the other: “yes
I see what you mean.”
4.Don’t
interrupt.
5.Don’t
try to top the other person’s story or joke.
6.Don’t
criticize.
7.Ask
appropriate questions: “What happened then?” or “How did you feel?”
8.Don’t
argue.
These
guidelines are cited by Cecil C. Osborne
in The Art of Getting Along with
People.— Grand Rapids
Writer Charles Swindoll
once found himself with too many commitments in too few days. He got nervous
and tense about it. "I was snapping at my wife and our children
choking
down my food at mealtimes
and feeling irritated at those unexpected
interruptions through the day
" he recalled in his book Stress Fractures.
"Before long
things around our home started reflecting the patter of my
hurry-up style. It was becoming unbearable.
"I distinctly
remember after supper one evening
the words of our younger daughter
Colleen.
She wanted to tell me something important that had happened to her at school
that day. She began hurriedly
'Daddy
I wanna tell you somethin' and I'll tell
you really fast.'
"Suddenly realizing
her frustration
I answered
'Honey
you can tell me -- and you don't have to
tell me really fast. Say it slowly." "I'll never forget her answer:
'Then listen slowly.'"
Bits & Pieces
June 24
1993
pp. 13-14.
Two psychiatrists meet at
their 20th college reunion. One is vibrant
while the other looks withered and
worried. "So what's your secret?" the older looking psychiatrist
asks. "Listening to other people's problems every day
all day long
for
years on end
has made an old man of me." "So
" replies the
younger looking one
"who listens?"
American Health
quoted in Reader's
Digest.
The story is told of
Franklin Roosevelt
who often endured long receiving lines at the White House.
He complained that no one really paid any attention to what was said. One day
during a reception
he decided to try an experiment. To each person who passed
down the line and shook his hand
he murmured
"I murdered my grandmother
this morning." The guests responded with phrases like
"Marvelous!
Keep up the good work. We are proud of you. God bless you
sir." It was
not till the end of the line
while greeting the ambassador from Bolivia
that
his words were actually heard. Nonplussed
the ambassador leaned over and
whispered
"I'm sure she had it coming."
Source Unknown.
How good a listener are
you?
1) Since you think about four times faster than a person usually talks
do you
use this time to think about other things while you're keeping track of the
conversation?
2) Do you listen primarily for facts rather than ideas when someone is
speaking?
3) Do you avoid listening to things you feel will be too difficult to
understand?
4) Can you tell from a person's appearance and delivery that there won't be
anything worthwhile said?
5) When someone is talking to you do you appear to be paying attention when
you're not?
6) Do certain words and phrases prejudice you so you cannot listen objectively?
7) When listening are you distracted by outside sights and sounds?
Leadership
Vol.1
No. 4
p. 99.
Teenage prostitutes
during interviews in a San Francisco study
were asked: "Is there anything
you needed most and couldn't get?" Their response
invariably preceded by
sadness and tears was unanimous: "What I needed most was someone to listen
to me. Someone who cared enough to listen to me."
Jim Reapsome
Homemade.
Formula for handling
people: 1. Listen to the other person's story. 2. Listen to the other person's
full story. 3. Listen to the other person's full story first.
Gen. George Marshall
Bits
& Pieces
April
1991.
Good listening is like
tuning in a radio station. For good results
you can listen to only one station
at a time. Trying to listen to my wife while looking over an office report is
like trying to receive two radio stations at the same time. I end up with
distortion and frustration. Listening requires a choice of where I place my
attention. To tune into my partner
I must first choose to put away all that
will divide my attention. That might mean laying down the newspaper
moving
away from the dishes in the sink
putting down the book I'm reading
setting
aside my projects.
Robert W. Herron
Homemade
June
1987.