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Criticizing
and Advising
Encouragement
Encouragement
is like a peanut butter sandwich—the more you spread it around
the better
things stick together. ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Encouragement
Said Bear
Bryant
one of the greatest college football coaches ever
when he was pushed
to explain his philosophy of coaching: “There’s just three things I ever say to
my players: ‘If anything goes bad
then I did it. If anything goes semi-good
then we did it. If anything goes real good
then you did it.’ That’s all it
takes to get people to win football games for you. I can do that better than
anybody.” ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Encouragement
In a 1978
interview
Low Holtz
at the time the head coach of the then number-one rated
Arkansas Razorbacks
modeled and stated his philosophy of coaching. At
practice
Holtz grabs his players by their face masks and shakes them; he
flails at them with his hat; he throws his hat in disgust; he smacks players on
the rear with his omnipresent manila folder. “Once you get things going
then
you begin to build confidence.” He says. “You praise loudly and criticize
softly.” ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Encouragement
Dr. Paul
Tournier received the supreme compliment of life on day when an acquaintance
came to visit him in his home. The acquaintance relayed a message from a third
party
who had never met Dr. Tournier but had been helped through many of his
writings. The message was: “You’ve going to see Paul Tournier in Switzerland.
No doubt I shall never see him in this world
but tell him from me that he will
be one of the first people I shall look out for in heaven.” ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations
for Biblical Preaching》
Comfort
Merrill Womach
a brilliant
Christian singer
was in a plane that struck a tree after takeoff in the winter
of 1961. The plane caught fire and Womach tumbled out of the plane engulfed in
flames. Some people found him and drove him to a hospital. On the way
to their
amazement—from a body squealing with pain—came these words:
I’ve found the dear Savior
and I’m made whole
I’m pardoned and have my
release.
His spirit abiding and
blessing my soul
Praise God in my heart
there is peace.
Wonderful peace
wonderful
peace.
When I think how he
brought me from darkness to light
There’s a wonderful
wonderful peace.
── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Comfort
A little girl lost a
playmate in death and one day reported to her family that she had gone to
comfort the sorrowing mother. “What did you say?” asked her parents. “Nothing
”
she replied. “I just climbed up on her lap and cried with her.” ── Michael P.
Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Comfort
The Joe Bayly family
in
the course of several years
lost three of their children. In his book “View
from A Heatse”
Joe Bayly shared his honest feelings when one of his children
died.
“I was sitting there torn
by grief. Someone came and talked of God’s dealings
of why it happened
of
hope beyond the grave. He talked constantly. He said things I knew were true. I
was unmoved
except to wish he’d go away. He finally did.
“Another came and sat
beside me. He didn’t talk. He didn’t ask me leading questions. He just sat
beside me for an hour and more
listened when I said something
answered
briefly
prayed simply
and left. I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see
him go.” ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations
for Biblical Preaching》
Criticism
Adventuresome and
courageous pioneers have often faced the critical laughter of jealous
observers.
The first American
steamboat took thirty-two hours to go from New York to Albany. People laughed.
The horse and buggy passed
the early motor car as if it were standing still (it usually was). People
laughed.
The first electric light
bulb was so dim that people had to use a gas lamp to see it. They laughed.
The first airplane came
down fifty-nine seconds after it left the ground. People laughed.
If you try to tackle a big
job
or if you have new ideas
expect criticism! ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Criticism
The story is told of an old
man whose grandson rode a donkey while they were traveling from one city to
another. The man heard some people say
“Would you look at that old man
suffering on his feet while that strong young boy is totally capable of
walking.”
So then the old man rode
the donkey while the boy walked. And he heard some people say
“Would you look
at that
a healthy man making the poor young boy suffer. Can you believe it?”
So the man and the boy both
rode the donkey
and they heard some people say
“Would you look at those heavy
brutes making that poor donkey suffer.” So they both got off and walked
until
they heard some people say
“Would you look at the waste—a perfectly good
donkey not being used.”
Finally
the scene shifts
and we see the boy walking and the old man carrying the donkey. No matter what
you do
someone will always criticize it. ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Criticism
The following is attributed
to Theodore Roosevelt:
“It’s not the critic who
counts
not the one who points out how the strong man stumbles or how the doer
of deeds might have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually
in the arena; whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives
valiantly
who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great
enthusiasms
the great devotions
and spends himself in a worthy cause; who
if
he fails
at least fails while daring greatly
that his place shall never be
with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” ──
Michael P. Green《Illustrations
for Biblical Preaching》
Criticism
A man was applying for the
job of private secretary to Winston Churchill. Before introducing him
an aunt
of Churchill’s told the man
“Remember
you will see all of Winston’s faults in
the first five hours. It will take you a lifetime to discover his virtues.” ──
Michael P. Green《Illustrations
for Biblical Preaching》
Ignoring
Criticism
Sailors in the northern
oceans have frequently observed icebergs traveling in one direction in spite of
strong winds blowing in the opposite direction. The icebergs were moving
against the winds
but how? The explanation is that the icebergs
with
eight-ninths of their bulk under the water surface
were caught in the grip of
strong currents that moved them in a certain direction
no matter which way the
winds raged.
In the Christian life
no
matter how strongly the winds of passing opinion blow in opposition
the
believer who has a depth of living in the currents of God’s grace should move
toward righteousness. ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations
for Biblical Preaching》
Judging
A lady in an airport bought a book to
read and a package of cookies to eat while she waited for her plane. After she
had taken her seat in the terminal and gotten engrossed in her book
she
noticed that the man one seat away from her was fumbling to open the package of
cookies on the seat between them. She was so chocked that a stranger would eat
her cookies that she didn’t really know what to do
so she just reached over
and took one of the cookies and ate it. The man didn’t say anything but soon
reached over and took another. Well
the woman wasn’t going to let him eat them
all
so she took another
too. When they were down to one cookies
the man
reached over
broke the cookie in half
and got up and left. The lady couldn’t
believe the man’s nerve
but soon the announcement came to board the plane.
Once the woman was aboard
still angry
at the man’s audacity and puzzling over the incident
she reached into her
purse for a tissue. It suddenly dawned on her that she really shouldn’t judge
people too harshly-for there in her purse lay her still-unopened package of
cookies. ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Advice
A man was on the practice
golf course when the club pro brought another man out for a lesson. The pro
watched the fellow swing several times and started making suggestions for
improvement
but each time the pupil interrupted with his own version of what
was wrong and how to correct it. After a few minutes of this interference
the
pro began nodding his head in agreement. At the end of the lesson
the student
paid the pro
congratulated him on his expertise as a teacher
and left in an
obviously pleased frame of mind.
The observer was so
astonished by the performance that he asked
“Why did you go along with him?”
“Son
” the old pro said with a grin
as he carefully pocketed his fee
“I
learned long ago that it’s a waste of time to sell answers to a man who wants
to buy echoes.” ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
John was driving home late one night
when he picked up a hitchhiker. As they rode along
he began to be suspicious
of his passenger. John checked to see if his wallet was safe in the pocket of
his coat that was on the seat between them
but it wasn't there! So he slammed
on the brakes
ordered the hitchhiker out
and said
"Hand over the wallet
immediately!" The frightened hitchhiker handed over a billfold
and John
drove off. When he arrived home
he started to tell his wife about the
experience
but she interrupted him
saying
"Before I forget
John
do
you know that you left your wallet at home this morning?" ── Our Daily Bread
October 2
1992.
One of the saddest and scariest
stories I've ever heard was about a young evangelist. He was just barely 21
on
fire for God
effective in his preaching and soul-winning
and in great demand
from local churches. He had preached several large crusades and was soon
invited to an area-wide effort at which he would be the main speaker. Though he
was not yet even out of college
he was a prot嶲?of international evangelist
Sammy Tippit
and was
admired and considered wise. Though he didn't have a steady girlfriend
he
dated regularly at Bible college. Spiritually he was alert and mature. He was
however
naive. The first night of the crusade he headed up the counseling
ministry in a large room near the pastor's study. A beautiful teen-ager asked
if she could speak with him personally. He tried to assign her to someone else
but when she persisted
he agreed for her to wait until he was finished with
the others. More than an hour after the meeting had ended
the rest of the
counselors and counselees had left
and he was alone with the young girl. A few
minutes later she burst from the room
screaming
"He made a pass at me!
He wanted to make love to me!" That very night the pastor of the host
church and a small group of the crusade planners confronted the young preacher
and demanded an explanation. He denied the girl's charge but had no witnesses.
The girl had seemed an upstanding young woman in the church
and there was no
reason to disbelieve her story.
"What did happen in that
room?" the pastor demanded. "To tell you that would to be to make an
accusation behind someone's back
" he said. "Which is what happened
to me. I ask only that I be allowed to face my accuser." The pastor and the
others canceled the rest of the crusade and agreed that the young woman should
be asked to face the preacher in their presence. Two nights later she showed up
with her parents at a private board meeting. The pastor asked if she would care
to speak about her charges against the preacher. "She has already said all
she has to say
"her father said sternly
her mother nodding and glaring
at the accused. "Would you
son care to share your version of what
happened in that room the other night?" "No
sir
" the
evangelist said. "I see no future in that. Only she and I know the truth
and I cannot defend myself. I'd just like to say this to her. Cindy
you know
what happened and what didn't happen in that room. If you don't tell the truth
I will be branded and may never preach again. This will damage my reputation
and that of this church
and even that of God. If I did what you say I did
I
deserve no better
but we both know that is not the truth. I'm begging you in
the name of Christ to set the record straight." The silence hung heavy as
the board and her parents watched her face contort into a grimace before the
tears began to flow. "I lied
" she said quietly. "I'm sorry. I
lied. He didn't make a pass at me; I made a pass at him. When he turned me down
I was so embarrassed and ashamed and angry that I made up that story. I'm so
sorry!" ──
Jerry Jenkins
Hedges
1989
Wolgemuth & Hyatt
pp
76-78.
Advice
A wise man seeks much
counsel… a fool listens to all of it. ―― Larry Burkett.
Judging
Most of us are umpires at heart; we
like to call balls and strikes on somebody else. ── Michael P. Green《Illustrations
for Biblical Preaching》
Judging
Judge not.
The
workings of the mind and heart
Thou
canst not see.
What
looks to thy dim eyes as stain
In
God’s pure light may only be a scar
Bought
from some well-won field
Where
thou wouldst only faint and yield.
── Michael P. Green《Illustrations
for Biblical Preaching》
Encouragement
I saw them tearing a
building down
A
gang of men in a dusty town.
With
a “yo heave ho” and lusty yell
They
swung a beam and the side wall fell.
I
asked the foreman if these men were as skilled.
As
the men he’d hire
if he were to build.
He
laughed and said
“Oh
no indeed.
Common
labor is all I need.”
For
those men can wreck in a day or two
What
builders had taken years to do.
I
asked myself as I sent my way
Which
kind of role am I to play?
Am I
the builder who builds with care
Measuring
life by the rule and square?
Or am
I the wrecker who walks the town
Content
with the role of tearing down?
── Michael P.
Green《Illustrations
for Biblical Preaching》
Criticism
Horse Sense:
A horse can’t pull while
kicking
This fact we merely
mention
And he can’t kick while
pulling
Which is our chief
contention.
Let us imitate the good
horse
And lead a life that’s
fitting;
Just pull an honest load
and then
There will be no time for
kicking.
── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
Criticism
The Critic:
A little seed lay on the
ground
And soon began to sprout.
“Now
which of all the
flowers around
”
It mused
“shall I come
out?
The lily’s face is fair
and proud
But just a trifle cold;
The rose
I think
is
rather loud
And then
its fashion’s
old.
The violet is all very
well
But not a flower I’d
choose;
Nor yet the Canterbury
bell—
I never cared for blues
”
And so it criticized each
flower
This supercilious seed
Until it woke one summer
morn
And found itself—a weed.
── Michael P. Green《Illustrations for Biblical
Preaching》
We could all save ourselves a lot of
words if we'd only remember that people rarely take advice unless they have to
pay for it.──
Source Unknown.
The trouble with good advice is that
it usually interferes with your plans.── Traditional.
Good advice is what your own kids
disregard but save to give to their kids.── Traditional.
Business is made up of ambiguous
victories and nebulous defeats. Claim them all as victories. Keep track of what
you do; someone is sure to ask. Be comfortable around senior managers
or learn
to fake it. Never bring your boss a problem without some solution. You are
getting paid to think
not to whine. Long hours don't mean anything; results
count
not effort. Write down ideas; they get lost like good pens.
Always arrive at work 30 minutes
before your boss. Be sure to sit at the conference table-never by the wall.
Help other people that network for jobs. What goes around comes around. Don't
take sick days-unless you are. Assume no one can/will keep a secret. Always
have an answer to the question "What would I do if I lost my job
tomorrow?" Go to the company holiday party. Don't get get drunk at the
company holiday party. Avoid working on the weekends. Work longer during the
week if you have to. The most successful people in business are interesting.
Sometimes you'll be on a roll and
everything will click; take maximum advantage. When the opposite is true
hold
steady and wait it out. Never in your life say
" It's not my
job." Be loyal to your career
your interests and yourself. Understand the
skills and abilities that set you apart. When ever you have an opportunity
use
them. People remember the end of the project. As they say in boxing
"
Always finish stronger than you start." ── Source Unknown.
1. Never have more children than you
have car windows.
2. Never loan your car to someone to whom you have given birth.
3. Pick your friends carefully. A "friend" never goes on a diet when
you are fat or tells you how lucky you are to have a husband who remembers
Mother's Day--when his gift is a smoke alarm.
4. Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the
dessert cart.
5. Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame
is Madonna.
6. Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember
you may need this man
or woman someday to finish a sentence.
7. There are no guarantees in marriage. If that's what you're looking for
go
live with a Sears battery.
8. Never go to a class reunion pregnant. They will think that's all you have
been doing since you graduated.
── Erma Bombeck.
Forget each kindness that you do as
soon as you have done it. Forget the praise that falls to you the moment you
have won it. Forget the slander that you hear before you can repeat it. Forget
each slight
each spite
each sneer
whenever you may meet. Remember every
promise made and keep it to the letter. Remember those who lend you aid and be
a grateful debtor. Remember all the happiness that comes your way in living.
Forget each worry and distress; be hopeful and forgiving. Remember good
remember truth
remember heaven is above you. And you will find
through age
and youth
that many will love you.── Source Unknown.
In Illustrations from Literature
Amy L. Person pointed out that in our eagerness to get people to do what we
want
we sometimes forget the admonitions of Scripture to be controlled by
love. When that happens
we quickly resort to nagging and scolding. This does
more harm than good. To drive home her point
the author related an Aesop's
fable that tells of the wind and the sun arguing about which one was the
stronger. At last the sun said
"Look at that traveler down there. Let's
see which of us can get him to take off his coat. I'll let you begin."
While the sun hid his face behind a cloud
the wind began to blow; but the
harder he blew
the more firmly the poor fellow held his garment about him.
Finally the wind gave up. Then the sun came out and shone so warmly that the
man soon removed his coat. Amy Person commented
"Many times
kindness and gentleness will get results when fussing and scolding can do
nothing but fail."
Our Daily Bread.
When Benjamin Franklin wished to
interest the people of Philadelphia in street lighting
he didn't try to
persuade them by just talking about it. He hung a beautiful lantern on a long
bracket in front of his home. He kept the glass highly polished. Every evening
at the approach of dusk
he carefully lit the wick. People saw the light from a
distance and when they walked in its light
found that it helped them to avoid
sharp stones on the pavement. Others placed light at their homes
and soon
Philadelphia recognized the need for street lighting.
As others learn of the peace and joy
you have in your life in Christ
they will recognize their need for Him. Your
witness through personal testimony may be just what someone is waiting for!
Source Unknown.
Bill stopped in at Abie's little general
store
looking for a bottle of mustard. The shelves were loaded with salt --
bags and bags of salt. Abie said he had some mustard
but that he would have to
go down to the cellar to find it. Bill went down with him
and there to his
surprise were still more bags of salt. Everywhere he looked he could see salt.
"Say
" said Bill
"you
must sell a lot of salt in this store!"
"Nah
" said Abie sourly.
"I can't sell no salt. But that feller who sells me salt -- boy
can he
sell salt!"
Source Unknown.
Teenagers are much more inclined to
take warnings about steroids seriously if the drugs' muscle-building benefits
are acknowledged in the same speech
say doctors at Oregon Health Sciences
University. That was the case when the doctors lectured nine high school
football teams on the effects of steroids. They found that football players who
heard a balanced presentation on steroids were 50 percent more likely to
believe that the drugs could harm their health than those who were told just of
the dangers. This isn't the only instance where scare tactics have been known
to fail. In spite of a massive
ongoing campaign on the hazards of cigarette
smoking
millions continue to light up. Health experts might be more successful
if they acknowledged the pleasurable aspects of smoking. Then once they had a
smoker's attention
they could let loose on why it's time to quit.
Spokesman Review
November 13
1991
p. C1.
Motivational speaker Bill Gove tells a
story about Harry
who ran a small appliance store in Phoenix
Arizona. Harry
was used to price-shopping by young couples. The would ask detailed questions
about features
prices
and model numbers
and one of them always took notes.
Harry knew that as soon as they left the store they were going to head for one
of the discount appliance dealers to make comparisons. Nevertheless
Harry
would patiently answer all their questions
even though it took more than a
half hour at times.
But when the couple would announce
that they were going to look around at some other places
Harry had a standard
spiel to deliver. "I know that you're looking for the best deal you can
find
" he would say. "I understand that
because I do the same thing
myself. I know you'll probably go down to Discount Dan's to compare prices. I
know I would. But after you've done that
I want you to think of one thing.
When you buy from Discount Dan's
you get an appliance--a good one
I know
because he sells the same appliances we do. But when you buy here
you get one
thing you don't get at Dan's. You get me. I come with the deal. I stand behind
what I sell. I want you to be happy with what you buy. I've been here 30 years.
I learned the business from my Dad
and I hope to be able to give the business
over to my daughter and son-in-law in a few years. So you know one thing for
sure--when you buy an appliance from me
you get me with the deal. That means
I'll do everything I can to be sure you never regret doing business with me.
That's a guarantee." Harry would then wish the couple well and give them a
quart of ice cream in appreciation of their stopping at his store.
This is how Bill Gove finishes the
story: "Now
" he says
"how far do you think that couple is
going to get
with Harry's speech ringing in their ears and a quart of ice
cream on their hands in Phoenix
when it's 110 degrees in the
shade?"
Bits and Pieces
November 1991.
* People are more likely to change
their opinions if you state your beliefs than if you let the audience draw
their own conclusions.
* Pleasant forms of distraction can increase
the effectiveness of a persuasive appeal.
* Information
by itself
almost never
produces permanent changes. In time
the effects of oratory and persuasive
communication wear off.
* People are more likely to change
when the message is repeated more than once
and when the desired conclusion is
presented at the beginning or at the end of the presentation
instead of in the
middle.
* A persuasive appeal is more
effective when people are required to be active (for example
by discussing an
issue or by having to exert oneself to get information) than when they are
merely passive listeners.
* Attempts to change people by
arousing guilt and fear rarely bring lasting internal change.
* People are most likely to be
persuaded when they perceive that the communicator is in some way similar to
themselves. A communicator's effectiveness is increased if he or she expresses
some views that are also held by the audience.
* An audience is more likely to be
persuaded if they perceive that the communicator has high credibility.
* If you assume that the audience
might be hostile
it is most effective to present facts first (building a
case)
give more than one side of the argument
and present your position at
the end.
* Communication is most effective when
information comes through different channels (for example
through pictures
brochures
media "spots
" and rational arguments)
from different
people who present the same message
and repeatedly over a period of time.
G. Collins
The Magnificent Mind
p. 193.
A man named La Piere sent out letters
to the managers of 256 hotels and restaurants across the southern half of the
U.S. He told them that he was planning to tour the south with two Chinese
companions and he wanted to know ahead of time whether they would be served.
Ninety-two percent of the businesses replied that they did not serve Chinese
and that La Piere could save himself considerable embarrassment by not showing
up with such undesirables. He wasn't surprised. Racial prejudice was a part of
southern life in the 1930s
and this was long before a ban was placed on
discrimination in interstate commerce. La Piere ignored the managers' advice
however. Accompanied by a Chinese man and his wife
he visited every one of the
establishments that said they'd refuse service. Surprise! Ninety-nine percent
of the places admitted the oriental couple
and almost all did so without a
hassle...La Piere's study points up something that's a consistent finding in
the field of persuasion--that a person may say he feels one thing
and then
turn right around and do something completely different.
Em Griffin
The Mindchangers
Tyndale House
1976
p. 179.
From the rule of St. Benedict
Sixth
Century A.D.--"If any pilgrim monk come from distant parts
with wish as a
guest to dwell in the monastery
and will be content with the customs which he
finds in the place
and do not perchance by his lavishness disturb the
monastery
but is simply content with what he finds
he shall be received
for
as long a time as he desires. If
indeed
he find fault with anything
or
expose it
reasonably
and with the humility of charity
the Abbot shall
discuss it prudently
lest perchance God has sent him for this very thing. But
if he have been found gossipy and contumacious in the time of his sojourn as
guest
not only ought he not to be joined to the body of the monastery
but
also it shall be said to him
honestly
that he must depart. If he does not go
let two stout monks
in the name of God
explain the matter to him.
Bits and Pieces
March
1990.
People who are out to find fault
seldom find anything else.
Traditional.
In Discipleship Journal
Don
McCullough wrote: "John Killinger tells about the manager of a minor
league baseball team who was so disgusted with his center fielder's performance
that he ordered him to the dugout and assumed the position himself. The first
ball that came into center field took a bad hop and hit the manager in the
mouth. The next one was a high fly ball
which he lost in the glare of the
sun--until it bounced off his forehead. The third was a hard line drive that he
charged with outstretched arms; unfortunately
it flew between is hands and
smacked his eye. Furious
he ran back to the dugout
grabbed the center fielder
by the uniform
and shouted. 'You idiot! You've got center field so messed up
that even I can't do a thing with it!'
Don McCullough
Discipleship
Journal.
One evening several college students
spread limburger cheese on the upper lip of a sleeping fraternity brother. Upon
awakening the young man sniffed
looked around
and said
"This room
stinks!" He then walked into the hall and said
"This hall
stinks!" Leaving the dormitory he exclaimed
"The whole world
stinks!"
Today in the Word
May
1990
MBI
p. 8.
All blame is a waste of time. No
matter how much fault you find with another
and regardless of how much you
blame him
it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the
focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your
unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty of
something by blaming him
but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is
about you that is making you unhappy.
Wayne W. Dyer
"Your Erroneous
Zones".
Too bad the only people who know how
to run this country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
George Burns.
How to Bury a Good Idea
It will never work
We've never done it that way before.
We're doing fine without it.
We can't afford it.
We're not ready for it.
It's not our responsibility.
Bits & Pieces
June 23
1994
p. 10.
Lord
deliver me from the lust of
vindicating myself.
Augustine.
Let the man who says it cannot be done
not disturb the man doing it.
Chinese proverb.
Being criticized is not a problem if
you develop a positive way of dealing with it. Winston Churchill had the
following words of Abe Lincoln framed on the wall of his office: "I do the
very best I can
I mean to keep going. If the end brings me out all right
then
what is said against me won't matter. If I'm wrong
ten angels swearing I was
right won't make a difference."
Bits & Pieces
April 29
1993
pp. 15-16
.
Advice from Dr. Mitchell's life:
Someone in his congregation pointed out several faults in him and his
preaching. Instead of retaliating
or trying to defend himself
he looked at
the woman and said
"If what you say is true
would you mind praying for
me?"
Source Unknown.
Before we are too harsh in judging
those scribes and Pharisees of Jesus' day
let's stop and look at ourselves.
All too many Christians today go to church to find fault
to gossip
and to
criticize. Warren Wiersbe
in his book Angry People
wrote
"An
incident in the life of Joseph Parker
the great British preacher
illustrates
this tragic truth. He was preaching at the City Temple in London. After the
service one of the listeners came up to him and said
'Dr. Parker
you made a
grammatical error in your sermon.' He then proceeded to point out the error to
the pastor. Joseph Parker looked at the man and said
'And what else did you
get out of the message?' What a fitting rebuke!"
W. Wiersbe.
Don't write or say anything that you
won't sign your name to. If you receive a negative
anonymous note
ignore it!
If they're not willing to sign their name
it's not worth reading don't take
heed to it. Like the pastor who received an anonymous note with nothing but the
word "FOOL!" written on it. The next morning he got in church and
said
"I've gotten many notes without signatures before but this is the
first time I got one where someone forgot to write the note and just signed his
name!"
Source Unknown.
It is said that when the British and
French were fighting in Canada in the 1750s
Admiral Phipps
commander of the
British fleet
was told to anchor outside Quebec. He was given orders to wait
for the British land forces to arrive
then support them when they attacked the
city. Phipps' navy arrived early. As the admiral waited
he became annoyed by
the statues of the saints that adorned the towers of a nearby cathedral
so he
commanded his men to shoot at them with the ships' cannons. No one knows how
many rounds were fired or how many statues were knocked out
but when the land
forces arrived and the signal was given to attack
the admiral was of no help.
He had used up all his ammunition shooting at the "saints."
Daily Bread.
English evangelist George Whitefield
(1714-1770) learned that it was more important to please God than to please
men. Knowing that he was doing what was honoring to the Lord kept him from
discouragement when he was falsely accused by his enemies. At one point in his
ministry
Whitefield received a vicious letter accusing him of wrongdoing. His
reply was brief and courteous: "I thank you heartily for your letter. As
for what you and my other enemies are saying against me
I know worse things
about myself than you will ever say about me. With love in Christ
George
Whitefield." He didn't try to defend himself. He was much more concerned
about pleasing the Lord.
Daily Bread
August 18
1992.
One of the rarest management skills --
and one of the most difficult to learn -- is how to criticize constructively.
Constructive criticism shows consideration for other people's feelings and
invites their suggestions and cooperation. When you can't figure out how to
criticize something constructively
the wisest course is to keep your mouth
shut until you do. Criticism that starts out by attacking people and putting
them in the position of having to defend themselves often turns small problems
into big ones. Usually the best way to start is with simple
friendly
questions
queries that will give people a chance to explain their position
without being offended and without getting excited. Then
after you've listened
carefully
suggest the changes you'd like them to make -- whatever they are --
and see what they think of them.
Don't push for an immediate decision
if it isn't necessary
or if there is still substantial disagreement. Ask them
to think it over. Tell them you will too. Later
if you still believe in the
changes you want to make
get together with them again. Explain that you've
thought it over carefully and still believe the idea is worth a try. Tell them
you feel an obligation to give it a fair chance
and you're counting on them to
do the same.
One other important point; when you
have to criticize or question someone's actions or ideas
always to it to his
or her face. Discuss it with the person involved. Don't let him or her hear
your criticism secondhand.
Bits & Pieces
August 22
1991.
Grace Coolidge
the wife of President
Calvin Coolidge
tried to surprise her husband by having his portrait painted.
When it was finished
she hung it in the library of the White House. Later the
same morning the President happened to walk into the library accompanied by a
senator. They stared at the picture together in silence. Finally Coolidge
commented quietly: "I think so
too."
Bits & Pieces
January 9
1992
p. 23.
One day a man met Spurgeon on the
street
took off his hat and bowed
and said
"The Rev. Mr. Spurgeon--a
great humbug!" Spurgeon took off his hat and replied
"Thank you for
the compliment. I am glad to hear that I am a great anything!"
W. Wiersbe
Wycliffe Handbook of
Preaching & Preachers
p. 221.
Criticism is always difficult to
accept
but if we receive it with humility and a desire to improve our
character it can be very helpful. Only a fool does not profit when he is
rebuked for his mistakes.
Several years ago I read a helpful
article on this subject. It stated that when we are criticized we ought to ask
ourselves whether the criticism contains any truth. If it does
we should learn
form it
even when it is not given with the right motivation and in the right
spirit. The article then offered these four suggestions: (1) Commit the matter
instantly to God
asking Him to remove all resentment or countercriticism on
your part and teach you the needed lessons. (2) Remember that we are all great
sinners and that the one who has criticized us does not begin to know the worst
about us. (3) If you have made a mistake or committed a sin
humbly and frankly
confess it to God and to anyone you may have injured. (4) Be willing to learn
afresh that you are not infallible and that you need God's grace and wisdom
every moment of the day to keep on the straight path.
When we are criticized
let's accept
what is true and act upon it
thereby becoming a stronger person. He who
profits from rebuke is wise. H.G.B.
In his men's seminar
David Simmons
a
former cornerback for the Dallas Cowboys
tells about his childhood home. His
father
a military man
was extremely demanding
rarely saying a kind word
always pushing him with harsh criticism to do better. The father had decided
that he would never permit his son to feel any satisfaction from his
accomplishments
reminding him there were always new goals ahead. When Dave was
a little boy
his dad gave him a bicycle
unassembled
with the command that he
put it together. After Dave struggled to the point of tears with the difficult
instructions and many parts
his father said
"I knew you couldn't do
it." Then he assembled it for him. When Dave played football in high
school
his father was unrelenting in his criticisms. In the backyard of his
home
after every game
his dad would go over every play and point out Dave's
errors. "Most boys got butterflies in the stomach before the game; I got
them afterwards. Facing my father was more stressful than facing any opposing
team." By the time he entered college
Dave hated his father and his harsh
discipline. He chose to play football at the University of Georgia because its
campus was further from home than any school that offered him a scholarship.
After college
he became the second round draft pick of the St. Louis
cardinal's professional football club. Joe Namath (who later signed with the
New York Jets)
was the club's first round pick that year. "Excited
"I telephoned my father to tell him the good news. He said
'How does it
feel to be second?'" Despite the hateful feelings he had for his father
Dave began to build a bridge to his dad. Christ had come into his life during
college years
and it was God's love that made him turn to his father.
During visits home he stimulated
conversation with him and listened with interest to what his father had to say.
He learned for the first time what his grandfather had been like--a tough
lumberjack known for his quick temper. Once he destroyed a pickup truck with a
sledgehammer because it wouldn't start
and he often beat his son. This new
awareness affected Dave dramatically. "Knowing about my father's
upbringing not only made me more sympathetic for him
but it helped me see
that
under the circumstances
he might have done much worse. By the time he
died
I can honestly say we were friends."
Charles Sell
Unfinished Business
Multnomah
1989
p. 171ff.
To avoid criticism
do nothing
say
nothing
be nothing.
Elbert Hubbard.
Winston Churchill exemplified
integrity and respect in the face of opposition. During his last year in
office
he attended an official ceremony. Several rows behind him two gentlemen
began whispering. "That's Winston Churchill." "They say he is
getting senile." "They say he should step aside and leave the running
of the nation to more dynamic and capable men." When the ceremony was
over
Churchill turned to the men and said
"Gentlemen
they also say he
is deaf!"
Barbara Hatcher
Vital Speeches
March 1
1987.
For every action
there is an equal
and opposite criticism.
Harrison's Postulate.
It is much easier to be critical than
to be correct.
Disraeli.
A young musician's concert was poorly
received by the critics. The famous Finnish composer Jean Sibelius consoled him
by patting him on the shoulder and saying
'Remember
son
there is no city in
the world where they have a statue to a critic.'
Haddon Robinson.
Grant me prudently to avoid him that
flatters me
and to endure patiently him that contradicts me.
Thomas `a Kempis.
As much as 77% of everything we think
is negative and counterproductive and works against us. People who grow up in
an average household hear "No" or are told what they can't do more
than 148
000 times by the time they reach age 18. Result: Unintentional
negative programming.
Shad Helmstetter in Homemade
January 1987.
The story is told of a judge who had
been frequently ridiculed by a conceited lawyer. When asked by a friend why he
didn't rebuke his assailant
he replied
"In our town lives a widow who
has a dog. And whenever the moon shines
it goes outside and barks all night."
Having said that
the magistrate shifted the conversation to another subject.
Finally someone asked
"But Judge
what about the dog and the moon?"
"Oh
" he replied
"the moon went on shining--that's all."
Source Unknown.
The warning of Leviticus 19:17
"...thou
shalt surely rebuke thy neighbor
and not allow sin upon him
" is preceded
by warnings against spreading slander and nursing inner hatred You can easily
determine
therefore
when you should criticize and when you shouldn't by
asking yourself these three questions: (1) Am I motivated by an earnest desire
for the welfare of the person I think needs correcting? (2) Am I going to face
him honestly
but gently? (3) Do I find the task thoroughly disagreeable
or am
I secretly getting some pleasure out of it?
He has the right to criticize who has
the heart to help.
A. Lincoln.
Most of us would rather be ruined by
praise than helped by criticism. Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all
we can do to put up with constructive praise.
M. McLaughlin.
You can't hold a man down without
staying down with him.
Booker T. Washington.
When Ronald Reagan succeeded Edmund G.
Brown as governor of California in 1967
Brown told him: "There is a
passage in War and Peace that every new governor with a big majority
should tack on his office wall. In it Count Rostov
after weeks as the toast of
elegant farewell parties
gallops off on his first cavalry charge and finds
real bullets snapping at his ears. 'Why
they're shooting at me
' he says. 'Me
whom everyone loves!'"
Detroit Free Press.
Monuments are often built with the
stones thrown at people during their lifetimes. An example: Charles Spurgeon
published several articles about heresy in the Baptist churches (the
'Downgrade' controversy). The Baptist Union had to deal with him
and did so.
Yet upon his death an imposing statue of Spurgeon was placed at the entrance to
the headquarters building of the Baptist Union.
Source Unknown.
Fault finding is not difficult. Isaac
Murray illustrates this in his story on how a dog hitched to a lawn mower
stopped pulling to bark at a passerby. The boy who was guiding the mower said
"Don't mind the dog
he is just barking for an excuse to rest. It is
easier to bark than to pull the mower."
Isaac Murray.
Two taxidermists stopped before a
window in which an owl was on display. They immediately began to criticize the
way it was mounted. Its eyes were not natural; its wings were not in proportion
with its head; its feathers were not neatly arranged; and its feet could be
improved. When they had finished with their criticism
the old owl turned his
head...and winked at them.
Source Unknown.
A survey asked mothers to keep track
of how many times they made negative
compared with positive
comments to their
children. They admitted that they criticized ten times for every time they said
something favorable. A three-year survey in one city's schools found that the
teachers were 75% negative. The study indicated that it takes four positive
statements from a teacher to offset the effects of one negative statement to a
child.
Institute of Family Relations
in Homemade
Vol. 10
No. 12
December. 1986.
Joseph Parker stepped into the pulpit
of the City Temple in London for his Thursday sermon and announced that he was under
some trepidation that day because of a letter he had received. It seemed that a
gentleman wrote to tell Parker that he would be in the congregation that day
for the express purpose of making a philosophical analysis of the sermon. After
a long pause
Parker said
"I may add that my trepidation is somewhat
mitigated by the fact that the gentleman spells philosophical with an
'f.'"
Wycliffe Handbook of Preaching &
Preachers
Moody
1984
p. 214.
Constructive criticism is an
invaluable source of information for those who accept it. Quite often we spend
more time justifying
excusing or rationalizing an error
than in trying to
understand and benefit from criticism. When we are non-defensive we become
aware that constructive criticism is a real compliment to us. The person
offering it is usually uncomfortable in doing so
but if he is willing to
endure the discomfort in order to help us
we should listen and appreciate his
suggestions. He runs the risk of arousing our enmity
but he cares enough for our
welfare to take this chance.
Rohrer
Hibler and Replogle
in Homemade
September 1988.
The National Association of Suggestion
Systems
a 900-member trade organization based in Chicago
says a quarter of
the 1.3 million suggestions received last year by its member companies were
used. The result? Companies were able to save over $1.25 billion and awarded
employees $128 million for their bright ideas.
Management Digest
September 1989.
PPM is a technique for discussing or
criticizing ideas. The basic rule: You must state two plus points before you
can state a minus. This counteracts negativism by forcing you to focus on the
positive side on an idea first. In group situations
PPM encourages shy people
to offer their ideas without being afraid of a barrage of criticism.
Eric M. Bienstock in Homemade
November 1985.
If you are a Christian
you can expect
folks to criticize
but you ought to live so nobody will believe them.
A young boy complained to his father
that most of the church hymns were boring to him--too far behind the times
tiresome tunes and meaningless words. His father put an end to his son's
complaints by saying
"If you think you can write better hymns
then why
don't you?" The boy went to his room and wrote his first hymn
"When
I Survey the Wondrous Cross." The year was 1690
the teenager was Isaac
Watts. "Joy to the World" is also among the almost 350 hymns written
by him.
Source Unknown.
Whatever you do
you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon
there is always someone to tell you you are
wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that
your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end
requires some of the same courage which a soldier needs. Peace has its victories
but it takes brave people to win them.
Ralph W. Emerson.